April Fools
by The Golden Koi
Summary: What kind of trouble does Kon get into when no one's looking? See what happens when boredom overcomes the little lion! A series of prankful oneshots. WARNING: Mild language. Update: The Five Point Exploding Toilet Technique!
1. Tickle Me Ichigo

A/N: I, like most of you I think, have a soft spot for pranks. Let's see what kind of trouble Kon gets himself into!

_The Early Bird Gets the Worm_

* * *

Kon sat on Yuzu's shelf, tapping his small, plush claws against the windowsill. Birds were chirping outside as the sun began to rise. It was, as usual, a boring morning. The small stuffed animal had spent many mornings like this. Whenever the young girl decided to make him one of her disgustingly cute outfits, she would spend hours in her room at a sewing machine, talking to him and he'd inevitably fall asleep, leaving himself restless during the wee morning hours. Kon straightened out the frill of his pink tutu and sighed. 

"Onee-san, why haven't you rescued your lion?" he sniffled pathetically, imagining Rukia's bright cheery smile and voluptuous chest with him smothered between them. Yuzu turned over in her sleep and he looked at her suspiciously. That girl was far more devious than her cute little hair bows let on…

With a quiet thud, Kon jumped off the shelf and fell into a large basket of fabrics, buttons, beads, and other sewing needs. He squeaked when a stray pin penetrated his backside and jumped up and down, trying his best to muffle the shout of pain wanting to escape his throat.

"This house is a _warzone_," he grumbled, waddling to the door as he threw the pin into the trash. Squatting and swing his arms for momentum, the little toy jumped up to the doorknob and turned it awkwardly. The door swung open silently and he padded down to his redheaded host's room.

Kon inspected the sleeping figure suspiciously from behind the shield of the large, wooden door. He grinned evilly and "twinkle-toed" his way across the carpet, making sure not to sound off alarms or creaks in the floorboards. Ichigo turned over with a grunt and threw his pillow over his eyes. It was starting to get light outside and the sun rose directly in the path of his sleeping face.

A feather poked out from between the folds of Ichigo's comforter. Kon, dancing with devilish delight, plucked the feather and performed a small ballet for his own conceit. Once he realized that he was actually wearing a tutu, he clenched his teeth and stopped mid-plié, a blush mysteriously creeping up the cotton of his cheeks.

An expression of seriousness passed over Kon's features as he approached the foot of Ichigo's bed, feather held high, tutu mesh wobbling. His ears curled with his mischievous grin and he dramatically lowered the goose-down feather to the ball of Ichigo's foot.

Ichigo snorted with a twitch of his foot as the feather brushed against his skin. Kon snickered into his hand, trying desperately to stop himself from laughing too hard. His titters racked his body and the feather jiggled in his hand as he lowered it to Ichigo's foot once more…

* * *

Ichigo started and sat up in his bed, peering around the room blearily. Rukia was glaring at him from her open closet door. He scratched the back of his head and looked at his alarm clock. As he turned back to face Rukia, he was met with a buckweed pillow to the face. He yelped and fell off his mattress. 

"OI! What's the big idea?!" he screamed in a whisper. Rukia padded across the floor and glared down at him, hands on hips.

"What are you talking about?! _You're_ the one that banged on my closet!" she replied in hushed anger. He stared up at her blankly for a moment before his temper boiled over and he jumped to his feet, matching her fierce expression.

"_BAKA_! Why would I bang on your closet at six in the morning?!"

"YOU TELL ME!" she whispered back, her voice cracking under the strain of not being able to project. Ichigo smirked and she kicked him hard in the stomach.

"OW! Look, all I remember is having a dream about kicking something, okay? That's it, _geez_," he said, clutching his stomach and grinding his teeth.

After another scrutinizing gaze, Rukia grabbed Ichigo's pillow off his bed and climbed back into her closet, slamming the sliding doors shut again. He grumbled as he got to his feet and climbed back in bed.

"Stupid _buckweed_," he grumbled, flopping his head down on the small, hard cushion.

Kon squeaked a pained moan as he slid down the side of the closet door, having been foiled by the redheaded brat's good reflexes. A foot print plagued his beautiful lion face. He looked at Ichigo's restless form with an upside-down prospective and rolled forward, his face planted in the carpet. That was the _last_ time he'd ever do something like that. He _swore_ that would be the last time.

* * *

A/N: Hehe, or NOT. More oneshot pranks coming. Hope you enjoyed! If you're a humor/romance fanficcer, you may want to check out the other stories I have posted. Oh! And if anyone remembers Kon's full name, let me know in a review! I can't remember...Icky scatterbrains.  



	2. Five Point Exploding Toilet Technique

A/N: This is the only other prank I'll post if I don't get more feedback, so if you read, I'd suggest submitting pranks!

_Five Point Exploding Toilet Technique_

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Isshin sauntered haughtily down the street, an unlit cigarette drooping from his lips. A couple of toddlers frolicking in the grass ran in front of him and he tiptoed around them with stud-muffinly tenderness and winked at a young boy following after them, exhausted from babysitting for his parents. He pointed his index finger at the kid, and cocked his hand with a gun motion before smoothly melting away into the crowd. He sniffed the air and smelled the gunpowder wafting across the hill. Ah, the fireworks were near!

Yuzu watched her dad stumble over two small children and a young boy apologize with an embarrassed tone as the older man laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. She smiled with amusement and noted how, though they seemed not to like each other much, Ichi-nii and their rather eccentric father seemed very much alike in at least that one characteristic Kurosaki male gesture. Her elbow knocked against her small canvas bag, toppling it over as she withdrew three large bento for the family from a heating rack. She sighed noting that Ichi-nii's bento wasn't included. He had been late in returning home and was missing the festival…

Kon muffled his outraged cry as the demonic little girl elbowed him in the face. He rubbed his cheek pathetically, whimpering about being left behind by Nee-san and that brat of a carrot-top that always seemed to latch onto her. He peeked out from the side of the bag, his ears twisting into his signature little horns and snickered quietly to himself as he hiked up the bag and waddled after Isshin, who retreated into the distance, swaggering like a clumsy PI. That man had smooshed, pounded, grinded, and prodded Kon more times than the plush little toy could count. As he shook the small box in his hand, listening to the sweet sound of paper shavings rattling inside, he tiptoed through the unsuspecting crowds, backpack acting like the cheap bush trick he had often seen on dinnertime cartoons, waiting impatiently for Yuzu to finish the dishes, plop him down on her shelf, and fall asleep so he could escape for the night. He never thought he'd actually get a chance to try the innovative sneaking technique, but his chance to test it out was finally in his grasp. He smirked. Vengeance was sweet for the little mod-soul. Wake up and smell the gunpowder, old man!

A small, pink shoe attached to a giggling infant flattened Kon's flexible little body, sounding his squeaker. He grumbled curses, his fist popping out of one of the small buckled pockets on the front of the small satchel. He picked himself up, straightened his tail and ran with resounding squeaks towards Isshin's retreating figure. If he didn't hurry, it would be too late.

Isshin looked lazily about himself and leaned against the cinderblock wall of the men's room, his foot pushing against the surface, hand deep in his left pocket. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and shoved it in his breastpocket before turning toward the entrance to the bathroom with a sly grin, his sunglasses making it quite hard to see at night (fashion before sensibility, my friend, fashion before sensibility). He waited coolly for one of the bathrooms to become unoccupied and inspected his reflection in the mirror.

Kon abandoned his captor's small bag and ran around the corner, ammo in hand. As someone left one of the stalls, heading to the sink, he slid dramatically under the door, ripping open the packaging of his precious little helpers.

As Isshin pushed open the stall door and turned to face the toilet, hands on pants, he noticed that there was no toilet paper to be seen and, with a frustrated grunt, stepped out of the stall.

Kon sighed with relief when the Kurosaki man left the stall and came out from behind the porcelain basin. He lifted the toilet seat quietly and began placing his little snappers, gently setting the seat back down and scurrying from the vicinity, narrowly dodging a large, thick-necked man's foot as he swung around the doorway.

Isshin nodded smoothly at the man who entered as he pulled the stall door open and surveyed the space with secret agent precision (The name's Bond, _Isshin_ Bond, he thought to himself.) and sauntered over to a shelf rowed with several rolls of toilet paper. He turned to see the larger, much more irritable and red-faced man begin to open the door to his stall.

"Excuse me, sir, but I wouldn't go in there if I were you," he said suavely, pulling his glasses dramatically from his face. The other man halted and grunted aggressively. It was hard to tell, but it seemed he was trying to boost his image, his wink sending mixed messages.

"What's it to you?" he said with a strained voice that left the impression that his neck's impressive diameter was constricting his windpipe. Isshin gulped.

"I was just about to use it," he said, keeping his voice calmly challenging. The other man snorted derogatively.

"Cheh, like I care. Thanks for the toilet paper, chum," he sneered, grabbing the roll from Isshin's hands and slamming the stall door shut. The row of stalls shuddered with the jolt and Isshin sighed, put his sunglasses back on and waited for the next stall to open with his usual wall-reclining posture. He began to hum to himself quietly.

A loud crackling and popping sounded from inside the larger man's stall resounded with an echoing sense of doom as the monster of a man yelled, tumbling out from behind the door, his pants around his ankles. Isshin couldn't help but give in to a fit of tittering until the beast's eyes turned on him.

"You set me up," he seethed, rounding on the Kurosaki siblings' father. Isshin laughed nervously, inching his toe out of the bathroom before racing around the corner. A few seconds later, he could hear his pursuer come charging like a steam engine from the restroom.

"COME BACK HERE YOU TWERP," the other yelled. Isshin stuck his tongue out at him and fled quickly, grateful for his geek-like speed. As he was engulfed in the crowds, only barely being able to perceive the other man's head over the crowd searching with the sense of a crazed bull, Isshin slid onto the picnic blanket that had been spread out so neatly in front of his girls' tent and smashed Yuzu's khaki bag over his head. Something squeaked from inside as he held it tightly over his face like a paper bag.

"Dad…what's wron –"

"Just playing hide and seek with some children, dear. Pretend you don't notice me," he lied nervously, hiding behind her form, his sunglasses askew. She shrugged with a smile and continued to prepare their bento for a late dinner.

Kon fought for air, smashed against Isshin's head. He cursed the childish man's spawn silently, hoping they'd get chocken pox and attempted to ignore the repulsive smell of too much cologne. He glared at the snapper that fell onto his nose, teasing him about his failed attempt at yet another Kurosaki revenge. The backlash had become so cruel, he wouldn't even be able to see the fireworks which began to sound in the distance with cheers and applause. Managing to cross his arms, he promised himself _never_ to do that again.

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A/N: Hope you liked it! Again, submit pranks! I need 'em! 


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